The Russian Major General

(Sung to the tune of Gilbert & Sullivan's "Modern Major General")

I am the very model of a Russian major-general
I've weapons biological, conventional and chemical
I organize my soldiery in manner hierarchical
And take my marching orders from a tyrant oligarchical

I wear a Sfera helmet that is crafted from titanium
With armor plate on every side to guard my fragile cranium
I applaud the use of terror for a purpose motivational
But disapprove of war crimes unless purely recreational

I'm very good at flattering my leaders and superiors
And devising cruel punishments for insolent inferiors
In short in warfare nuclear, conventional and chemical
I am the very model of a Russian major-general

In the course of pursuing his ambitions territorial
And of governing the nation in a manner dictatorial
My president is prone to issuing menaces atomical
Against the Western powers who so seldom find them comical

I execute my strategies in parallel and serial
To realize Mr. Putin's aspirations quite imperial
I know our country's borders both the current and traditional
But regard our present limits as entirely transitional

I'm very fond of missiles both ballistical and tactical
And of wearing all my medals even when it isn't practical
In fact in warfare nuclear, conventional and chemical
I am the very model of a Russian major-general

I'm comfortable upon a horse or suspended from a parachute
And notably indifferent to civilians that I have to shoot
I execute my orders with precision diabolical
And fire off my rockets on traject'ries parabolical

If I have a fault it might be that I'm somewhat egotistical
I have a certain blind spot when it comes to the logistical
So now that the defenders are regrouping to the north of us
My supply trucks are all scattered between Kharkiv and the Caucasus

I'm not too well-informed about geography Ukrainian
And occupying Chernobyl left me coated with uranium
But still in warfare nuclear, conventional and chemical
I am the very model of a Russian major-general