It’s about the pancreases, stupid


INJURED HUMAN What ... do ... you ... want? Why ... are you ... doing this?

ALIEN 1 We. Have. Come. For. Your. Water. We. Need. Your. Planet's Water.

(looks sideways at ALIEN 2, who appears to be having difficulty keeping a straight face).

INJURED HUMAN But ... why? There's ... lots of water in space. You could take that.

ALIEN 2 He's right, you know.

ALIEN 1 OK, OK, it's not about the water. We're here for ... what do you call those tasty squishy things you have inside you?


ALIEN 2 You know, some little organ. With a funny name –

INJURED HUMAN Livers? Kidneys?

ALIEN 1 No, no ... got it! Pancreases! We're here for your pancreases!

(ALIEN 2 loses it completely, doubles up laughing. ALIEN 1 punches him in the shoulder. INJURED HUMAN looks back and forth between the two of them, bewildered).

ALIEN 1 You dick. He was totally going to buy it.

ALIEN 2 Pancreases ... oh my God ...

(ALIEN2 wipes his eyes - all eight of them - and continues laughing uncontrollably)

INJURED HUMAN But if not ... then ... why?

ALIEN 1 Seriously, dude. We just like blowing stuff up.

(ALIEN 1 slaps INJURED HUMAN good-naturedly)

ALIEN 1 Hey, lighten up, Earthling. If we hadn't trashed your planet, the Zebuloids would have come along sooner or later, and they're real assholes. They don't even enjoy what they do, they just dump nano-bots from orbit and move on. Where's the fun in that? I mean, really.

(the two ALIENS exit together as the INJURED HUMAN falls back, mortally wounded)

ALIEN 2 Pancreases. Brilliant. I can't wait to tell that one to the sergeant.