The remote

Scientists have developed an implantable device that allows men to control their sperm production using a remote control.

EcoGeek

I'm ready to start a family, darling ... and tonight my chart says I'm at my most fertile.

Whoo hoo ... let's do it. Come here, hot mama ...

Mmm ... you know what I like ... wait ... what's wrong? What are you doing?

I'm looking for the goddamn remote.

The remote? You want to watch TV? Now?

No, not the TV remote. The remote that lets me ... you know ...

Oh, Jesus. Couldn't you have thought of this before?

Just be cool. I know it's round here somewhere. I'll find it in a moment. You stay there - I'll be right back ...

What's this one?

What does it look like?

It's a little white thing with a sort of a wheel on top.

That's for the iMac.

Oh ... Where are you going?

Living room. Maybe it fell down behind the couch cushions, that's where they usually end up ... nope, nope, that's not the one. Hey, honey, I found the remote for the DVD ... and three quarters ... and an empty Doritos bag.

Sweetheart? I've found another one. It's sort of small, with just one button.

Could be. Let's give it a try.

What's that grinding noise?

Shit. Shit. Shit. Garage door opener.

This one?

Music center.

How about this one?

Air conditioner.

OK, maybe this one?

Burglar alarm. For Christ's sake, don't press anything - it's linked to the police station.

This one?

Wait ... yes! That's it, that's the one. OK, fire that sucker up - tonight I'm firing live ammunition ... sweetheart? Honey? What are you doing?

What does it look like I'm doing? I'm going to sleep.

But we were going to ...

That was forty-five minutes ago. I'm not in the mood any more. And since you're over there by the couch, you might as well make yourself comfortable.

- okapi :: Science & Technology :: 30 May 2008